Living with Hohenheim
by The Your Mom Alchemist
Summary: What happens when Ed, Al, and Hohenheim from the manga meet Envy from the anime?  Slight cursing.  No pairings.  R&R!
1. A Big Happy Family

Yaaaaay! Hohenheim gets some more loving from his fan-girl!

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist anything, okay? We all know that. It's not like I'm running around screaming, "I'm Hiromu Arakawa!" or "I own Square-Enix!" or whatever.

Yes, it's an anime-manga crossover. How many times has that really been the point of a story? Ah well. Try to enjoy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a year since his sons had returned to their original bodies, and him as well. He loved them. He absolutely loved his sons. However. Edward didn't seem to pleased that their father had moved in with them after they'd rebuilt their house.

"Remind me why you're here again?" Ed would ask everytime his dad would show his face.

"Because I'm your father, Edward."

"No you're not! You're just some guy... who... I look like... and... we're not related, stupid!"

Al never wanted to get into these kinds of arguments. He would sit back on the couch with some nice iced tea and watch fists fly, words exchange, and his brother stare deviously upward toward his parent for his unending lack of height. His brother would always complain that he'd gotten his father's hair, eyes, nose, and basically his total facial structure, yet he couldn't get his father's height.

"What is this? I can't get any taller? _Why is fate so cruel_?!" Ed would scream constantly. Ed knew he looked just like his dad. He knew it for a fact. He hated it. But, no matter what he did, he simply couldn't grow any taller to see Hohenheim right in the eye. (This was of course, leaving out the fact that he ultimately did **not **want to drink milk.)

Poor Edward didn't like his father for this reason only. Other than this current problem, Ed absolutely loved his father! Yup, he really did. Being with Hohenheim a whole year and realizing that his dad had left home for the same reason he did only made their father/son relationship bloom. Heck, the family went to the fair together all the time! Still, this didn't seem to repair the gap that was between Ed and his dad, for whatever reason it existed.

----------------------------------------------

It was a clear morning, and the sun was just coming up from over the Resembool hills. Hohenheim, being the morning person he'd always been, walked out to get today's and yesterday's newspaper, the most recent of which he'd forgotten to get the day before. He walked inside to find Ed and Al both staring menacingly at him from the top of the stairs. "Daaaaaad," they said slowly. "You still owe us breakfast."

Hohenheim thought a moment. He did lose the bet, didn't he? He should have known never to make that bet with his sons that he wouldn't go outside in his boxers again. He always lost that one! Darn. Breakfast it was.

Ed and Al both sat down at the table. Al, glad to not be the only one who knew how to cook in this house, was indeed thankful that he didn't have to this morning. Ed was decent at cooking, and could cook pretty well for someone like him. (You know, the stubborn brat stereotype never cooks.) The two sat at the table waiting patiently for their food. Hohenheim was busy messing around with some utensils, swapping between blender and oven quite a bit. Gaining attention from his sons while doing this, he slowed down and tried to distract them from their staring. God, how he hated when people stared at him. It had always bothered him. Why? He didn't really know. Personally, he didn't care. It just annoyed him.

He thought up a way to get them to do something else. "Edward, Alphonse, would you to do me a favor and-" The doorbell rang. "Get that? Sure!" yelled Al as he dragged Ed with him to get the door. There was a sound of the door being opened and then dead silence. Hohenheim had just finished breakfast anyway, so he figured he should see what's going on. He walked into the main hallway to see what was going on. As he saw the person standing at the door, he stopped dead in his tracks. He managed to stutter out one sentence. "It can't be...Envy?"


	2. Oh, Snap!

Wow. I never update!

...Or do I? Bum bum buuum.

Yeah. I'm still not Hiromu Arakawa and I still don't own any rights to anything. Unless it's stated in the Constitution. But we all have those.

...I think. Anyway, I am pretty sure there's a point to the story now, depending on what you mean by that. Heck, I have a plot! enthusiastic cheer from crowd

On to the story.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"E-Envy?" stuttered Hohenheim, still in shock about who was at his door. Why in the world would Envy be here anyway?

"Dad!! Do you know how long I've been looking for you? I've been looking for you for like, hundreds of years or something like that..." Envy exclaimed, then continuing in a calmer tone. "We haven't had any time together since you made me a Homuculus! Can we go to the faaaiirr?"

Ed woke up from his shock in time to hear this. Quickly, he raised his arm and slugged the pineapple so hard you could now call him a smoothie. Al woke up to see this, and was immediately stunned again.

"Pineapple smoothie for everyone!" yelled Ed enthusiastically, but all too soon Envy got himself together. (He was a Homunculus, you know. He regenerates.) "What do you mean, pineapple smoothie? Are you making fun of my hair, foo'?! 'Cause just because you're my little brother don't mean I'm gonna take it easy on you!" yelled Envy, obviously outraged.

They all just stood there in silence. Hohenheim was worried. He only had two kids, he was sure of that. Or was he? He didn't know anymore. Ed was worried because what if Envy really was his brother? That would suck so many eggs... Al was still stunned from the sudden sight of Ed punching Envy for no apparent reason to him. When he recovered from that, nothing was happening but, well, nothing. He figured he would settle this because when Ed tried to settle problems he ended up hurting and/or killing someone and/or something. His dad just wasn't good at handling anything apparently, being their "father" and yet only knowing how to drive, do alchemy, and cook. (Not that Al didn't love him either way.) He decided to stand up to the monster of silence that had crept it's way up to them all.

"Okay. Envy, what are you doing here?" he inquired.

"Well, Hohenheim here is my father, too."

Al thought a moment. _Okay. If he's our brother, then we've got to act like a family. Yeah. Family._

"We have to be a family then, okay Brother...?" Al said. With a mumbled reply of something close to "yeah, sure" from Ed, he felt he had solved the current mess of people going in and out of shock. He might not have solved the problems that might erupt from this new brother, but at least nobody was going to faint.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hohenheim was still appalled. He didn't remember ever doing anything with any other woman but Trisha, so he couldn't recall who Envy's mother could be. Ed was still grumpy that he had to share a car with this thing, and Al didn't really care either way. Alphonse didn't especially like Envy, but Envy now seemed to be his brother. Ed simply refused to say anything unneccessary the whole car ride. No one was talking to anyone, until...

"Are we there yet?"

The other three sighed. "No," they said in unison.

Pause.

"When will we be there?"

Ed turned around to face the back seat. "We have at least 15 minutes, bas-"

"Brother!" Al exclaimed as his hand quickly covered Ed's mouth. "Mph?!"

Al went on a huge rant about how Edward should be nice to his older brother. Heck, Al did it for him! Hohenheim wasn't used to all the noise erupting from the three brothers. It was getting hard to drive now. _Oh, bother. I guess I should stop this before it gets anywhere bad_, he thought.

"Edward! Alphonse! Envy! Stop yelling this instant!" he scolded. "If you keep yelling, I'll crash and we'll never get there!" This silenced them. After all, Envy really wanted to go to the fair, Ed just wanted to get out of the damn car, and Al was really looking forward to getting some cotton candy. They decided to be quiet for the rest of the ride until they reached the fair.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hoorah. I updated. It was going to be short, but now I realize that a full story could easily develop from this kind of mess. Yeah, Ed and Envy are now officially related! Now, yaoi parings for them will be officially incest!

(Crowd gasps)

Wow. This is going to get interesting, so keep reading!

...When I ever update.


	3. Welcome to the Fair

Again? Oh no! The world is ending!

I still don't have spots or horns and I'm no good at organizing comic pages. Ergo... I am not Hiromu Arakawa.

To the faiiirrr!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By this time in the drive they could see the ferris wheel (plot hole). Or, Hohenheim could. He really didn't think the others were paying much attention. He could see that Envy was looking out the side window anxiously while Ed and Al were both asleep. Ah, good. Nobody had noticed yet. Hohenheim wasn't very excited to hear the arguing voices of his two for-sure sons and this other "son". Which reminded him...

"Envy, I - uh - don't know how to ask you this... Who is you mother? I know it sounds extremely awkward..." he asked quietly and hesitantly.

Envy turned his head to Hohenheim. "You don't know? But last time we saw each other... She was there! Dante! You don't know?"

Dante? Who was that? He had no idea. Not good...

"Are we there yet?"

The awakened passengers looked at the one responsible. "Ed!"

"I'm bored! Gimme a break," he sighed. "So? Anyone gonna answer me?"

They all sat quietly. The other three pointed to the front window of the car. "Oh."

There was the fair, right in front of him. At least he was pretty well rested from his nap. Al too, was rested. Envy, being a Homunculus, didn't really need to nap. Hohenheim would just be glad when he figured out who this Dante woman was.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The family bought their tickets and entered the fair's gates. Envy, seemingly ecstatic with joy, ran off to ride the carousel. This, obviously, freaked everone else out. I mean hell. It's Envy, not a three year old. However, the other three figured that they should follow him so that he didn't hurt himself. Can't have a brother lost when he was just found, no? Not to mention Hohenheim had to tell Envy that he was gathering stares from the normal people around them.

"Hello, ma'am, would you-"

"I am not a woman, you moron!!"

When Ed, Al, and Hohenheim got to the carousel, Envy was having a fight with the ticket collector. The poor ticket collector was mortified.

"...You're not?" he asked.

Envy grabbed his throat and held him on the gate. "Do you think I am, _still_, oh ticket collecting worm?"

The ticket collector stuttered a small, "no" and Envy put him down. At this, Envy realized his family was behind him.

"Oh! Good! Now we can all ride together!" he yelled, and dragged Hohenheim by the sleeve on to a pretty pink pony. Ed and Al made their escape as soon as they could to ride the bigger and better rides with their share of tickets.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Do you all realize that I need suggestions for killing time at the fair until Dante shows up? Well, even if you don't, I do.

Pleeeaase help me. o.o And my other stories need help too. Tell me what you think!


End file.
